Heartless
by lichanlin7
Summary: This is Jeanine's story throughout her initiation process, how she became what she was in the divergent trilogy- I do not own the Divergent trilogy or any of the characters in them. Rated T for mild violence and some mild swear words
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer- I do not own any of the character or anything from the Divergent series, that all belongs to Veronica Roth

Prologue-

"What you can do- it-it's amazing, you- you're amazing… I'm sorry; I'm not very good with words. What I mean to say is, I-I think I'm in love with you."

I stared into his eyes, _what? What just happened?_

confused, I looked away.

"Please, say something, or…. I think I'm going to die"

What was I supposed to say? Say that I didn't feel like he felt towards me? Or say that I felt the same, which would be unfair to me, and he would be upset that I lied to him. Either way I would hurt him. This was unfair. Why would he put me into a situation like this? This was so selfish putting me on the spot like this, I knew I would have break his heart.

"I- I- I'm sorry… I-I just can't." I felt stupid as I ran away from him, my best friend of 8 years, the nicest guy I had ever met, and I just broke his heart. I curled up in the shadow of a tree as tears slowly ran down my face. _Why did he have to tell me? Why did I have to run away? What's wrong with me? _I pulled at the grass, the roots giving way, and I threw the clumps of green and brown at nothing. Just venting my anger I guess. It was useless though, venting, completely illogical. I guess it helped you emotionally. I needed it. I was such a jerk. Why did I have to be so heartless?

I stared at the ceiling of my bedroom. The ceiling was white -instead of the traditional blue- because blue simulated thoughts of the sky and was harder to fall asleep to. The gentle ticking of my clock rang in my right ear. It was nearly time to get up, however, instead of rising immediately like on most mornings, I lay in bed thinking. The door of my room flew open, _right on schedule _I thought. The squeals of my two younger siblings echoed around my room, and I pulled a pillow around my head covering my ears, knowing it wouldn't do very much, but desperate for some silence. My eyes squeezed closed tightly.

"Michael! Shandra! Leave your sister alone, you know it's a special day for her" I heard my stepmother say. She ushered them out my room, and I slowly inched out of my warm bed. As I opened my eyes, the lights burned them leaving dark spots whenever I blinked. I pulled of my clothes slowly and stepped into the shower, letting the warm water run over my shoulders. It was a big day, and I had been preparing for this day my whole life. Well, technically, you can't prepare for today, it's not allowed. But I was sure to get Erudite, which was one thing anyone ever agreed on about me. And that I didn't have a heart.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer- I do not own anything from the Divergent trilogy, all of it comes from the amazingly creative and intelligent mind of Veronica Roth.

(I did just make up some names, and I will make up names in later chapters because Veronica Roth does not include these names in her series, so I had to improvise.) If you could review that would be awesome, I would like to know where I am at with my writing, if you like my story, that's amazing and I will die of happiness if you tell me, if you hate my story, just tell me what I am doing wrong so I can improve my writing style. Thanks! Every opinion is welcome!

I tugged a brush painfully through my already drying hair. Wincing I studied my reflection. I wasn't ugly, but I wasn't pretty, my face was very plain. The only thing that won me attention was my intelligence. I set my hairbrush down my almost bare dresser. With a moment of hesitation I pulled back a strand of hair with a pin, the usual Erudite hairstyle. I pondered for a moment and decided to leave my books behind for today, besides, it was our last day of school… well, really more like a half day of school, the simulation tests were after lunch, and they took up the rest of the school day.

I wasn't nervous. No. Of course I wasn't nervous. A Matthews doesn't get nervous. I knew I would get Erudite, worrying was illogical. All of the statistics pointed to me getting Erudite. Then why was I worried? I felt the skin on my forehead bunch together as I pondering the one thing that science couldn't explain, the human mind. I ran down the stairs listening to my blue sneakers pound against the wood. "What? No excessive amount of books?" I turned so fast my hair slapped across my face and my neck ached. I saw my father standing behind me. I plastered a smile on my face and said as brightly as possible, "No, father." He smiled, fake, of course. "The bus will be leaving soon Jeanine, you better get going." I understood. He wanted me out of the house. I hadn't eaten yet, but that didn't matter. I wouldn't have wanted to anyway, besides, father always values education more than health, didn't care if I skipped a few meals, just as long as I didn't 'do anything to screw up my brain more' he would say.

The bus rumbled under my feet as it started up and slowly began to build up more speed, and the buildings in the windows blurred until it made me dizzy to look outside. Blinking tears from my eyes I looked away. "Are you crying?" an incredulous voice made me look up. A girl in Erudite blue was clutching a pole next to me, her knuckles turning white from gripping the pole so hard. She had dark straight hair and olive toned skin, her eyes were hard to read, and I had studied body language my whole life. Her shoes were scuffed, worn out and stains all over them. She probably came from a poor family. "Oh, no" I replied. "The sun burned my eyes." "Oh, Okay" The girl responded. "So, what's your name?" I asked, not actually caring. "Tori" she responded flatly. I noticed she didn't care to mention her last name. "You're Jeanine Matthews, right?" I nodded. "My dad doesn't shut up about you; it gets a bit annoying at times." Her body stood rigidly relaxed, _she's trying too hard_ I observed she was obviously upset or uncomfortable. "Thanks." I said returning my gaze to the floor. "That wasn't a complement." She whispered under her breath, just low enough for me to hear.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer- I do not own Divergent or any of the characters in Divergent, it all comes from the brilliant mind of Veronica Roth.

**Ok I must admit you might not read this but I am kind of at a writing block so this chapter might not turn out as I expect, and I apologize for the delay, next time I will write a bunch of chapters in advance (I will also make my chapters longer)… sorry for putting this I know it's boring and I don't even read most of these, but whatever… sorry, I will get to the story as fast as I can. Also can you please take the time to review my story? Even if you don't like it, I seriously don't even care at this point, if you have hate I seriously don't care. **

The bus rolled to a gentle stop. I attempted to push through the small crowd of people emerging onto the pavement. A pair of young dauntless shoved past me laughing, I looked after them, wondering why they didn't take the train today. One of them had a tattoo curling up her right arm and her pale skin was a bright contrast next to her black clothes and dark hair. She walked with another dauntless who had blond hair that shone in the sunlight turning it silver. Her hair swayed against her back as she walked. She leaned away from her friend, turning her body and toes the other direction. As she laughed nervously, I noticed she had no showing marks, which was probably a sign she did not want to embrace the traditions of her faction.

The glass doors of the upper level building loomed above my nose nearly collided with the doors as I shook myself out of my daze. Shouts echoed around me, dauntless children were climbing a large black statue, and the abnegation children looked straight ahead, their grey attire standing out against the throng of colored clothing.

"What's with Andrew today?" I whirled around, feeling my hair slap against the glass, and my hair loosened in its clip.

"Oh, I haven't heard of anything." I responded smoothly. Technically, I _hadn't_ heard anything, but I did know what was 'wrong' with Andrew. Sara shook her head, her dark curls already drifting in the wind. She wore a flashy blue dress that stopped at her knees and drifted around her thighs her blue eyes had a distant curios look.

"I started to talk to him, but he looked at me like I had slapped a wet sock across his face and then he ran off and slammed the door to a house that I know for a fact was not his." My pushed against the cool metal of the door handle and I swung it open holding it briefly until we had both passed through.

"Well, rumor has it, his 'huge project' that he has been talking about for weeks backfired and he can't show his face to any member of our faction due to horrible embarrassing shame." Sara had a knack for picking up random bits of gossip. "I don't know why, everyone messes up, like that one time in the lower levels building…" I tended to block her out sometimes, it was unnecessary to listen to her at times, she just repeated the same stories over again, even when I had been present at the time, it didn't really make sense.

My eyes ran over the tables in the cafeteria, we would never be sitting here again. After tomorrow, we would know our factions. Well, if we pass initiation. Most factions had initiation but they were a closely kept secret. "Are you even listening? Oh. My. God. I don't even know why I am friends with-"

"Jeanine! Dear girl, you and I will go places." I looked up to see a wave of blond hair cascade over my shoulders in the stiff embrace. It was Kendra, our faction leader. And I have never seen her in person before in my 16 years. I stood rigidly as she pulled away but kept her hands on my shoulders. Our faction leaders were elected by highest IQ, and Kendra had just beaten her brother. To tell the truth, I thought that a person like this would not be a suitable leader.

She grabbed my forearm and pulled me over to an empty classroom. "Uh- Miss, I have still have clas-" "Oh sweetie I'm a faction leader, I can take care of that." She continued walking. I grimaced over my shoulder apologetically at Sarah who stood there with her mouth slightly open, an expression that would question her 174 point IQ. The door closed with a soft thud. Kendra sat down on a desk, patting the one next to her.

"Jeanine." Her expression changed. "Be careful." Her voice hushed down to a whisper. "They are watching you. You should leave. Go now, before they can get to you." She looked into my eyes. "But you're not going to do that" the urgency in her eyes faded and was replaced with sadness. "I can't tell you much more, they are watching you. And if you do not cooperate… they will find a way to get to you."

"Why?" my voice cracked. "Why should I listen to you?" my voice grew stronger.

"Because they did it to me. But they found they don't need me, they need you."

"What did _who_ do?"

"They started with my mother. Then my father. Lastly, my brother. I have no one left."

"But your brother is alive! He was in your initiation group, wasn't he?"

"Wasn't he?" She stood, threw on a bright smile and hugged me. "It was great to see you! I look forward to you working with you." She practically skipped out of the room leaving me sitting in the desk. The bell rang as the lights flickered on and students poured into the room.


End file.
